What it takes to grow up

To date, I have attended officially, 3 times reunion. Once at Hildy's place, then at our old hangouts at Dragon coffee shop in Donggongon and a third, at Shangri La's hotel to round up Michaelians from the Science and Arts stream.
I am still in very close contact with friends I befriended since high school. One is already a teacher at Kinarut, Papar and the other is an environmental engineer working in a Danish company for water and environment.
I was first interested in Science when I was 15 years old. I figured if it wasn’t because of cikgu Sybil I wouldn’t have gotten where I am now. There was a Science Camp which she gotten me to get involved. I was surprised considering that I got a C for that subject, but I didn’t want to skip that chance of going to Ranau and have the honour to represent my school. So I made a promise to myself that I shouldn’t let my friends and teacher down. So I studied hard and made sure also that I really understood and was interested as well. Bit of the chapter that got me psyche was especially the astronomy part, I found out what a cool guy must Isaac Newton have been. Anyways at the end, I couldn’t get to go to Ranau as how much hoped for. They found a replacement for me because instead I had to attend to a Science competition between Papar and Penampang, and I got a trophy for that one since I got all answers correct except for one question. And thus, St. Michael became a home-coming champion. The next year, because Maths and Science are perquisite to get accepted into the Science stream, I get to learn new things in detail i.e. Chemistry, Physics and Biology as well as Ad-maths. These subjects will become important as you enter university regardless of what class you took during high school. The reason is because these will be the knowledge you’ll see around you i.e. back labels of shampoo, as well to understand prescribed medicines, and getting acquainted to the world around you. Another year of Science took us to Kudat to experience the sun eclipse. It was beautiful! I brought my brother along and it was a trip that was arranged by us all. One of my class-mate took with him a binocular and he was smart enough to have figured the use of it instead of looking only at birds. By holding a piece of white paper underneath the eye piece of the bino with the condenser adjusted facing the sun, the image of the sun eclipse gets superimpose to the white paper. With this method, we’d able to watch the sun slowly shadowed by the moon. Soon after everywhere around us turns darker, birds began to chirp and some flew across the sky as if heading home. They were certainly noisy, looking confused about what time it was that moment. I was active also in sports but that was only at the end of my high school days. I played hockey for my school and district although there wasn’t much of a competition that time, also basketball for my school which I was really interested and good at and still now am. I tried doing walkathon and was selected to represent my school first and then to district level. We had to train everyday in Penampang stadium then the competition at Likas. I was very scared there were many people; I was disappointed in the end because that didn’t give me a good placing. Apart from that, I also got my trainings in Red Cross: doing volunteer works, stand-bys for sport days, active in marching competitions, as well trained as a march commandant.
After finishing form 5 which was in 1996, I was admitted for pre-university at AUSMAT (Australian Matriculation) in Pusat Persediaan ITM Shah Alam, taking Bioscience as my major in 1997. I received monetary support for my education from Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam (JPA). So subjects accounted for in this course were Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics, Computer C++, and English writing, reading as well as listening skills. It was interesting getting to study in the Peninsular although just for one year. I get to scout around malls nearby as well as in K.L. Visited a friend who is doing her matriculation at Kelana Jaya and I still remember how long we stayed up late at Sunway Pyramid trying out a popular video arcade there during the weekend. Movie-watching was very much the activity I had, as well as shopping for house hold products and for more food and, maybe a little bit of tit-bits for the family at home in Sabah. A favourite spot was at Carrefour, a French invested market. Students go to St. Francis Xavier to pray and Subang Parade to watch a movie by commuter. But we didn’t go out much often as we also need to save money to sustain us until the end of the month. Facilities at I.T.M. were fully equipped and we spent our lab times over here as well for literature work. I was amazed by the university computer system as our matric card provided us a registered number that allows us to chat with other students. I did two assignments as an introductory course to research. One is about the Kadazan funeral rites which requires me to do interviews back at Sabah and visit the Archive. The other was about the adverse effects of pollution. It was here that I had access to all the books I’d like to read especially on the environment. I played a little bit of basketball with newly acquainted friends but later gave up when I sprained my ankle. During the times of the depreciation ringgit in 1998, there was a call from the government to educate students supposed to go abroad within the country itself. However I never forgotten the skills I acquired from this institute as it had introduced me to research more of an integrative kind. Later as I was still interested in Bioscience, I applied for a place at the University Malaysia Sabah with the aim of taking Conservation Biology as my Degree. I was still supported by JPA but my scholarship was converted to loan upon my choice of subject. However the money spent on my education at AUSMAT was considered as an award. In order to find a placement in the University Malaysia Sabah, I had to undergo still a pre-university course assigned by the same institute. Because I had already spent a year in the Peninsular, there would be no use to spend another year. So a bit of exploration and a sense of adventure allowed me to survive in this perceived secluded environment. The school was literally surrounded by oil palms and the air had a particular smell. This was my first time staying in a boarding school and we had to still wear school uniforms as we did back in high school which was rather a bit embarrassing for some of us. On Thursday, we had to wear something in purple and we had prep class which means revising after the actual morning lessons. We spent the evening either cleaning this or that or doing recreation. I remembered how I used to jog every evening either that or play basketball by myself at the basketball court next to the dining hall. For those who had money, they can either spend money on buying kueh usually complemented with makcik’s special sambal which she had once forbidden me to sneak away although just a few for some unknown reasons or ice-cream at night before bed. We always have milo or donuts before bed, anyways for those that do not. Cross country event gave us the opportunity to rendezvous with the surrounding locale. We get to see small houses and even get acquainted with lembus as people were watching us pass by. The little drizzle made the event more memorable. What was difficult having to live in the hostel was the water problem. We had to each carry a bucket full of water from the wash room to our very own dormitory else, other people would steal it. We had to do this every evening. Washing would require us to queue up and take turns. Even the name of our school was spelt wrong, waiting near the school’s window as we had our first sight of the vehicle to transport this precious water resource, written on the blue truck as what we could make of it was something that spelled magrikurasi. The first semester of the same year we had our exams at UMS campus Tuaran, and we were lucky to have this opportunity as this quarter is no longer valid for use. This was also the same time when I dislocated my finger again when playing basketball but I came out lucky as I happened to turn out the best in my class. Looking at the record score of results, I was known among secondary students as kakak yang berbadan sasa as they remembered me as someone who used to jog circling the school compound everyday. The second semester also of the same year, I did not get through as ok as I expected. But the average for both semesters combined paved me a way to the real university. I manage to get by after just one year as required by JPA in order to oblige to full scholarship for 3 years of study. Next thing I knew I was already in Labuan for orientation week. Justifiable by my results I was suggested to take Information Technology not exactly as what I imagined. It was a beautiful place, right at the end of the island and secluded from noise of the city. Ideal for total concentration. The university for business and mass media, was fully equipped with facilities for higher learning including a room for music, and a cinematic auditorium for projections. Computers were complemented with microphones for communications through the web. For recreational purpose, there is also a big lawn to play games. The university was also located beside a beach. It was said that the building was meant for economic trade in Labuan but corporates probably thought that a university would bring more benefits or even profitable. As soon as my orientation ended, I decided to return to Sabah and re-apply for Conservation Biology, which was what I wanted and what I wanted to be. After writing letters and meeting both deans of the School for Science and Technology, and School for Information Technology I was finally accepted to undertake this course. There were not many universities offering this course that time. So far as I know, only UKM and probably University Putra had something similar. Sabah would also be a great place to start since we have the resource here. In fulfilment for a degree in Conservation Biology I had to take other courses as well including economics, foreign language (provided that SPM result for English is a distinction, you may also take Spanish, French, and Japanese for 2 years of study) and other electives i.e. political science, creative thinking, history and reformation in Malaysia and Sabah Dance (or in malay I think better described, Tarian Sabah). This assignment was pretty much meaningful to me as not only was I able to meet the Lundayeh for the very first time in my life, but also I was able to record music so ancient and also very rare played by one man who is a teacher as well which requires skills that only him possess (really, I’m not kidding!). As so told, this music was revived again when an old man fortunate that he is still living today was able to make the Sakapi, a wooden musical instrument played by the Lundayeh now at the Sabah’s Cultural Festival. You might be amazed also by what this village is named perhaps because of such rarity; as such kampong baru jumpa.
At the end of the day, I was grateful I took all of these subjects because I realised that I had turned out to be a thinking person rather than spoon fed. Everything made sense now and I could construct my own opinions as well in literacy. I enjoyed Mandarin because my teacher was dedicated and he really tried making us really interested. We get to go to a party at Rasa Ria at the same time graded for our contribution to the success of that party. It was grand and there were performances made, at the same time very important guests were present. At the end of my education, I think that I did pretty ok, I got second class upper and I had to experience myself the turmoil of everyday life i.e. finding out the next day that there had been a recent re-scheduling for SPSS and therefore had to repeat the same course the next semester, the unnecessary regulations of having to meet every one lecturer personally, of having to overcome fears of presenting to hundreds of students and also at the same time get them to participate as well to agree with your strong convicted opinion, lack of sleep (of course this is usually quite related to being last minute revisions), once jump from a bus when I overslept the second time (at least the first, I ended up in Telipok the second was a jump, I literally landed on both my knees and hands!) etc. There had been several field trips which I enjoyed very much to Kota Belud, Lahad Datu, Kinabatangan, and Beaufort. Having acquainted some friends had also given me the opportunity to visit their home towns in Sandakan, Labuan and Kota Marudu.
Because I had done a one month volunteer work in the Kinabatangan for the Kinabatangan Orang-utan Conservation Project (KOCP), I decided that I liked the place and had a go with research on orang-utans. I was exploring on several aspects to affect orang-utan sociality, and at the same time get introduced to primatology that wasn’t included in my major. As usual I had to make several trips from Kota Kinabalu to Lahad Datu, and attend some work-shops for comprehension on the subject as well of the economy of the area.
Because of the subject’s relevance I was able to pursue to my Masters and because there was a fund made available by the Darwin Initiatives from the U.K. This fund is especially for the survivorship of the species as orang-utans are rare and they attract tourists for money as well as investors. I started my research in November 2002 soonest after graduating. It has been the 3rd year now since I haven’t finished quite yet. This course requires me to conduct field-work, lab works, literature work, field trips, training, publications and team work. My research gives particular interest as it combines molecular work as well as inference from behavioural observations. In the end I hope to do some publications made compulsory by the university and I’m expecting to discuss on the sociality of the orang-utans which is again interesting because orang-utans are naturally solitary and resemble close to humans in some ways. Did you know that orang-utans share 96.4% of its genes with humans? The rest is what makes an orang-utan an orang-utan a separate unique entity. Apart from that I propose also that orang-utans could perhaps act as indicators to habitat quality. Thus I need to know what actually really defines habitat quality. I get to drive boats, get to know the community better and how they are able to help build themselves, recognise individual orang-utans and catalogue what they eat, learn more about genetic as well computer applications. I especially like trekking in the forest especially when it rains although maybe a little bit. You can hear the storm coming when you hear something that sounds like a train from far then reaches your way in a sudden rush. The area records one of the most birds found in the State, 10 species of primates, and the longest river in Sabah just second after sg. Rajang. Standing below a large bridge in Bukit Garam, I just couldn’t believe that this is the same bridge I once cross 4 years ago when travelling by coach to Lahad Datu which once also became a routine in 1998/1999 when I was doing my pre-university. For my MSc. I had to cross a suspension bridge exactly at the occurrence of a big flood in order to get myself back to Kinabatangan for field-work!

Authored by Ms. Sheena James
December 2005/Christmas and New Year Season

Plan

At this moment, I'm waiting for a purview on the inception of a job as a consultant. I don't know if I would be accepted to take up this job but if not, I should pursue to my PhD. I have registered myself for a vacancy as a Research Officer with the Forestry Department and it could secure me a lifetime investment. Anyway, where choice to lead me in my future is left uncertain.

I have talked to Marc about my desire to publish a book. There are several a few to mention. But this book is a must. It's for budding young scientists. And it entails my experience as I convene other biologists alike in their course towards conservation and research. Yes, in my path I have found romanticism that had impact me severely. I wrote about history more like a myth but conjecture a social perspective of what population growth means. There is also some critic worth appraisal. And so many more to squeeze into a tiny book. I'm thinking of publishing it for profit (funding). But I do need a job. I see myself as serving into education. But I couldn't dis-attach myself from research. God only knows how long was that before. Blaspheme of me for saying this. But my professor, Dr. Menno told me that it is the same as in all scientists to persevere with their work. In that they run consecutive publications from their previous work. Which means that, we continue to discover.

Which leads me.. Through my correspondence with a friend. In my decision of conducting a PhD. I found out more investigative results from my data. Well it's their data, but I've contributed much effort in the field and dealing with management standards. Coming back to the issue, the graph and numerics had come to reconstruct a result that shows about mass and the implication of velocity and time. By substituting parameters, we could easily transform some hypothetical formula to the other in understanding our conclusion. Some basic role it has on conservation is that orangutans in Danum might be more frugivory. We can see this by detecting the shift of frugivory eating to folivory. This shift will determine mass. And it would come as the observed result. The expected result from my thinking comes from a formula already known to mankind but may be applicable in this research with contribution to data from the field. Of course, for this hunch to be rectified, a test needs to be conducted. I've already set straight some notes as a continuation from my previous MSc. I'm hoping to publish them soon as soon as I get a word from my affiliate.

Evolution

It's my adventure into going through the notion of what is meant by culture. Not the definition but the translation of it. I don't know where to begin. I've written emails to my previous affiliates to consider my proposal of doing a research in Danum Valley. Although the location is not entirely subjected, I can also do it in Imbak perhaps. The objective of this project is to cover research, education and conservation. How I am to do this is to have a study on orangutans taken by research. Publish materials for education such as a brochure maybe and some picture books. And through discussion with some Indonesian scientists to make up of conservation. That's for sure.

But as for research, I don't know if it's too close to detail at the moment what I can say is that I attempt to challenge issue of climate change. It would be interesting to have an atmosphere for where lies a dipterocarp for assessment and maybe some palms for coordinated feeding behaviour. I would also specify the need to preserve areas for carbon sink. And maybe accommodate the needs to preserve other areas where sequester for nitrogen. It certainly is a huge project that requires a fulfilling collaboration.

Apart from that I am interested in investigating the social organisation of orangutans. In how they are distributed around the forest. This would impinge on some notion I have about the arrangement of particle and infuse the concept of energy. It would also gather some theories on physics and how we may able to use it not to our desire or attempt but on Scientific interest. Now comes a question on ethics, what is real research. Bear in mind throughout the years, it has simply been laid for discovery. Not necessarily exploration. We gather the theories, who knows we might need it some day. Like building up a whole book on encyclopedia or making a dome in Mars to inhibit plants and animals when we are soaked up in radiation. Hehee..

I've written on my Facebook something about culture. What would ignite the enthusiasm. There is falacy in knowing that tool mechanism is culture. Well it could be. But from where I stood it could have been intelligence or a cognitive ability. Diet on the other hand are culture, because that depends on where orangutans may be found. So if I have a study site where orangutans are equally distributed within a wide range of area covering migratory routes take for example the different altitudinal range of a riverine forest and up to the mountains, we could examine the flexibility of diet. And what do they eat in a riverine forest to be able to accommodate for a re-construction of a buffer zone for them. I have seen in an observation book made available in DVFC about an orangutan female near the river in June but what she ate was not known. Orangutans in Sukau ate many seeds in August. This just explains for scarcity but on it's implication we're missing the point that what affects their herbivory. Has climate been paramount on substituting consequences? Do orangutans do have more handsome diet in dipterocarp forest or is it because of lack of fruits? What do leaves have got to do with protein. And are they huge in size. This will give forebearing idea on the exchange intellectual thought of what we know about orangutans.

First I need to know about the forests. Well there has been record that the lowland are 500 m a.s.l. And that they do have fruits in the forest. Why are they totally lacking in mature forest. Is that because there is no regeneration. So how do wild orangutans cope with this circumstances? Obviously, they eat leaves but how do they eat fruits and when. October is the stipulated date for all Malaysian rainforests. Then how come do they reach to enormous sizes. Ahh.. Now this proves for a question on durability at stake and breaking the norm for home range sizes. I just hope they don't walk too far. I have gone through the debate of what evidence the home range pattern. Is it the food, mating yes generally speaking but I've also concluded in size matter. The lighter weight can travel farther but what prohibits the movement to expand. It's the size of the habitat. Does fragmentation induce monopoly? Well according to the literature, yes. Is that good or bad. I kinda like it from my perspective. But I am yet to notice from other areas in a more detailed point of view. How do orangutans run an epigamic society or are they truly wild in the sense that there are too much freedom and independence that there is no order and regulation? This comes to the query on territoriality and aggressive traits. Sure don't want to be caught that on the answer. But from experiences, there seems to be individual maximization. And the only suggestion I could give on this matter is exceptionally an education.

I need to exert the parameters for culture. And maybe conduct a strategy like I used to. In the end, my conclusion is furthering the attempt to evaluate the evolution in orangutans. Not necessarily in primates or humanities, because the history has been challenged..

For Indonesia Malaysia Postgraduate Students (IMPAS)

Perhaps I could begin by writing a life-long story of my life. I am currently 30 years old and I am not married. Like all mothers, out there I would like to have children of my own. It occurred to me how I want to have a child of my own as I sat there watching my nephew play. I began my first learned education in a Chinese school in Lahad Datu while my mother was working as a nurse. Then I got transferred further across the state when my parents divorced. I got into high school and after graduating with good grades I was given a scholarship by the Malaysian government to pursue my studies to Australia. It didn’t go well when I was doing the preparatory programme as the government stopped all higher learning to overseas as the ringgit dropped. I was offered to many universities within the country but opted instead to study in Universiti Malaysia Sabah. Again, I had to take a matriculation course to enter into that university. The course I chose was Conservation Biology. It took arduous task into getting in as I was registered to take multi-media instead. After much consideration with the deans they had it a go. So there I was into the selection of my choice. Having graduated with Second Upper Class and after an involvement with a volunteer programme of a month with the Kianabatnagan Orang-utan Conservation Project, I was offered a scholarship to take my Master’s degree which I fully accepted. I had to do many chores but I liked what I did. The directors who are French are very well learned and they thought me everything there was to know about orang-utans.

One thing that I like was when we were introduced to Indonesian students from Kalimantan and Sumatra. There was a Dayak boy called Agung. We played maths together during the course in the test of intelligence which I won. I couldn’t remember how’d he came about with it. Then there was a time when we did field-work in Sukau. He said would you like to read a special book? It was a book by Ibu Birute Galdikas. I never knew her but it would have been a privilege to have known her considering how beautiful and poetic she wrote the book. I couldn’t finish it as I fingered across the pages. I couldn’t resist on gleeing everything there was printed. Suddenly in one of those pages, I caught a pink bookmark probably left there by accident. It was a romantic poem. He asked if he could borrow me some by of my gears and mammal guide book which I wasn’t reluctant. In exchange, I got a surprise by my supervisor of a gift he left for me. Some old things that I really need for my research. Again, in one of those items I saw a book of proverbs. And he especially gave me a poem for me to read entitled “If I could Live My Life Over”. He wasn’t that handsome, but what attracted me most were his eyes. He had eyes that showed kindness. What was funny was my Malaysian supervisor saw this and she caught us behind the research station talking and another time when I stole a glance of him while taking a photograph. She gave me the nod! Oh, brother.. He was a beautiful man, dark skinned. Lean and well muscular. It really shows how strong these men worked. I never quite spoke to him what Indonesia is like to him. But he said he has a mother at home who has many banana trees. I quite could imagine what he meant by that. It would be splendid to have seen his village.

As for Sita, she was slightly different from Agung. She comes from Sumatra and she is now married to a European man. Where she has children with him. She is more determined I can see that. Trying to grasp any way of truth from the course we partake with painstaking heart. It is something she would like to achieve in best way for her and her country. I could imagine her bearing the slight resemblance with the late Fairus, my friend. He died just recent from pneumonia. I was very sad when he died. It’s like losing a good friend. They both are very highly esteemed individuals with great perseverance. Sita, is a nice name. It sort of reminds me of an ancient Indian epic. Hence the very virtual blend of Indonesia and it’s cities. Fairus graduated his PhD in genetics. Guided thoroughly by someone from Cardiff who had experienced working in Sumatra. As for me I have a background in the ecology of orang-utans which I hope to further elaborate in my PhD about it’s distribution and conservation.

As for Eawa, she is someone who is currently managing a turtle conservation programme in Java. She used to work in Kalimantan with orang-utans. She has her hair cut very short and seems to be very comfortable with this. She’s cute and is a very friendly person. We went out eating and I introduced her to my sister and cousin. I am still in contact with her these days. And had given her a proposal I intended to do in case I was to enroll into marine biology.

Now, comes this question of what we can learn from one another? I was never good in presentation. But being around with friends who are passionate and who happen to live day by day with conditions helped us to become stronger in our commitment. Take for example, Ian Singleton, a residing scientist in Indonesia had further enhanced my knowledge about orang-utan ecology. My results will help young scientists or my friends on further improving their data. We discuss a lot through the internet. And in that along comes a book published by Oxford. I was working as a research assistant (primatologist) when that happened. As well as I was working as a field biologist for WWF in 2005 when the idea start of preserving forests for orang-utans came up. The trend is now that forests in Indonesia can be protected from further destruction by buying certificates or lands from foreign countries. This is how you can get your economy. And that oil palm products must be registered to ensure sustainability.

As a take-away present, when I was working with Habitat for Humanity in supervising volunteers coming from Dubai. I had few trips to Tambunan where we tried some local dishes at home-stays to serve to them. This project builds houses for the poor by asking volunteers from all over the country to take part. In one visit, there were students from Indonesia that came to visit the programme. They certainly had fun! There was a welcoming ceremony greeted by the beating of gongs and refreshments. What was nice was to see them dance. It was a rare occasion since this was a new dance. And all of them can partake whether they knew it or not. We all come from the same region, where nothing is as different as among ourselves. Even though we don’t know the dance, we could still play because it says, it’s the same as the beating of our heart.

Research

I was disappointed to find that some of my books are gone. I don't mind if things didn't go my way or if being used at disposal. But what would upset me if my books are gone. I bought them with my own money, and it would make me sad if I can't read them again. It's because I find pleasure in reading books, my books. I intend to start a collection. Maybe one day I may open up a book store.

I find that in across our journeys, complaints are not necessary and what serves the best are results. It's good to keep reminded about what we've gone through because that's what makes us. But what about the time, time can't be used simply for meetings or else there is no purpose. And purpose comes with values. I hate it sometimes, how people can just rely others on being punctual when they themselves are not say for example.

I haven't been writing in this blog for a long time that's because I find there is no purpose in writing with no input. At the moment, what I can say is that I'm thinking of pursuing to my PhD. But I can't do that without fund. Which is why I'm trying to convince my ex-supervisor to give me a grant and again to be a supervisor for this project. There was a project report written by him stating how I defended my Master and being the only first orangutan ecologist in Sabah. That sure does felt like something. And I'm a lady. But I would've not done it without my abang-abang. They guided me in the forest and during the first month of orientation or should I say volunteerism, they were the ones who taught me the disciplines of the forest.

And here goes the study what project do I want to cover this time. But as usual, I will always get a no answer from my friend. Just like how I would like to make a book, or publish some coffee books. Nevermind. Maybe I can do another study just pray that it wouldn't be an ordeal this time. And besides I don't think I'm not that physically fit anymore.


The question lies on habitat requirement. And many scientists are praying to find the difference between suitability of habitats for orangutans. Although deeply, I don't think this is the issue. The main highlight should be, what determines density then link these habitats by biogeographical region. You preserve genetic diversity at the same time since orangutans live in an epigamic society and they have a stable social organisation.

I was wondering what to make between differences of densities in different habitats. This would led me to synthesising habitat requirement and link them to metabolism and hence dietry fashion. I have done this through my Master's where I've used Einstein's physical law of principles. With this knowledge we would have come about in knowing what determines the physical shape of an animal following the habitat in where it occurs. And hence bringing the importance into linking habitats.

My mother has been a solitary individual after coming back from Saudi. She often watch the TV alone, or doze herself to sleep due to tiresome. Or play with the baby. It makes me feel sad to see her like this. I wish to play with her but there seems to be not much of an activity. I need to train myself to wake up early so that we can go shopping or do something else. But I guess it's just better to laze around. I wished she could stay here longer, I feel very lonely. Which makes me question another thing, is it really worth doing this PhD. When you have all the time you need to sleep. I think it's important to share knowledge and get to know people more. But it would be worth it if they just don't simply ask. It's about give and take. Now that's a privilege.

What inspires me most is freedom of speech. But I hate media sensationalism and rhetorical. Which is why I hate watching TV programmes these days. Sweets are not good for the teeth, but why take them anyway. No wonder, sugar are getting expensive these days. Lol! I remember good movies like Contact or something that gives lessons. Not flattering. In fact, I find many resemblance between my thesis and the movie Contact. Well in some way, call me crazy if you want. I found how to construct the model but the movie simply just give a tell-tale like an adventure. It's very motivating.

I would like to publish a journal one day. In fact, it was what I wanted to do when doing my Master. I found many interesting results but they were not put into good use only as secondary inputs or something that had led to another discovery which is not quite optimistic. In the sense that it had led other people into saying the same thing. But what the real thing is, I have the data and I have the results. If it wasn't because an author who I would name anonymously, I would've not come into my synthesis about orangutan distribution and the implication of the world in nature. Which is why I have to thank him. He's a scientist in Indonesia. Well, I told him for the fact but he took no credit for him. Was he being just too modest, or was he simply didn't understood what privilege I took into conceiting this formula. I'm sure it's not the formula but how it applies.

Boyfriends had come and go. Friends either like you or they don't. But they leave us with intangible memories. Without them how far can we go. So I hope with this proposal, I am able to convince my superior boss into deciding to take me in for a PhD. Because I deserve it.

I simply love the rain, the jungle and the humidity. Nothing serves me best than have a palatial place for me to study like an eager explorer. But of course, with a good helping hand. Now the task is, to gather as much data possible in the quickest time. And in these days, to have internet access I wonder. Just hope Facebook won't be messing with me. Tee-hee..

The only problem now is trade. How do you create a line between trade and research. I was told that we needed to find a value. But then it turned out to be some kind like a business or a deal. Or a fiscal. Then, we ask a question what is that preservation. Have we simply lost our mind? It becomes more of a corporate deal or a network. Into deciding the market place, there comes a stature to fair trade. And then there comes to a question as free trade. Nothing comes easy, as getting something for free. Cheap luck! This will determine the equality of standards and levying. Which is why education not only serves the best priority but must be fair.


Now comes to the question of physical fitness. It continues to become my question.

Sweet Lullaby

I was in Dryandra, one among classes in the Australian Matriculation I took sponsored by the government in Uitm Shah Alam. Then one of my English teacher who's in law was the Indian Malaysian runner asked me why did you choose to take up Australia as a preferred choice for university studies to me. Then I said, I wanted to see dolphins. I love dolphins, they're so intelligent. And that's when I come to know that dolphins are social creatures. It's like how I would be saying studying orangutans. Knowing that they are solitary, but think it in a big picture, they live in a large social organisation. Well they were here, she said to me. I didn't know that there are dolphins in our coastal waters. But anyway, as later on I progressed, the government stopped from sending students to overseas because of the depreciation ringgit and I ended up studying in UMS. A choice who I solemnly took and never regretted. After having finished another matriculation which I had to take for a year, I again negotiated to go into Conservation Biology a task that was so miraculous as it was new.

It was my first time coming to the Peninsular. And I remembered having my first Kenny Rogers.. The corn muffin was soo good. I could still remember when they had the stuffed kernels. My time occupied there was not spent wasteful and I had gained lots of knowledge which I could've not if it wasn't because of this place. We took several English classes, and in them how to do research. I also took a computer class in which I got an A for that one. There were oh, so many books if only I could eat them all up. ITM is marvelous, it's very rich with literature. I get lots of my source of knowledge from here as a beginner. And there were many references.

So I was in the library of our little ground hostel when I stumbled upon a book. That was my inspiration. It was about biodiversity. And it was yes thick, but also colourful. The memory I had of that book was the Amazon. Nature has always had a place in my heart. I didn't read much about dolphins hey, I didn't even know a think about them. My sensation was inspired by what I saw on them in the documentaries. I now have a diving license in case I ever wanted to go into this biology. But I knew the forests well from where I lived.

So, I ended up reading about yes, all the basic science subjects now they are in English as we are accustomed to the Malay language before in our youths. And I remember this time, our teachers called us, young adults. And if I could in my time, about nature. As an assignment, I discussed about pollution and sulphuric particulates in our atmosphere. I hate pollution. It's something that was really popular before, but as now we've forgotten the impacts of society that we dwell in more to the effects of social disturbance and the protection of forests. A scheme, that no one else knew which led to deeper contemplation as that to the meaning of life.

My second assignment, I remembered was discovering more about the death rituals about the Kadazan-Dusun. I took up this assignment wanting to know more about where I belonged. About my roots. Hey there was also a Literature Review to catch up on my activities. And in there I add on about the interviews I had, when have I gone to the library to make it up for the time spent systematically. I wrote my research several times and there were many corrected drafts. That's because my teacher said I was too flowery. She wanted me to be more determined and more scientific. This was the start of a beginning on the road to writing. As surely this was the course I under-take.

Again I have to applaud on the books I've discovered. They made real sense to me at covering many aspects as having to the expansion of mind. I looked at the effects of religion on society, what are the means that describe culture, and then to have a backdrop on this science. So this was the systematics that she was looking for.

I also learnt about systematics during my degree. And the way the science was used in describing things. I took a course on science writing. I didn't know it was very different than the literature. I took several English literature for that matter. But don't tell me what MacBeth is about, I couldn't still remember.. Lol.

There were oh, so many memories. And sometimes I wished that I was still in the university. The teachers are really clever at enticing. I think it comes with passion. Allure..

Kerbau

My mother asked me, what do you want from Saudi? Since she has lots to offer these days. I remember when I was at the hostel, and wanting to go down town after church. I checked the ATM machine and it was empty. I guess there was no more money at the moment. I was very hungry then suddenly a friend said, what ya wanna eat? Without shyness in my brows, well anything. So she bought me a burger. And then, while frumming on it greedily, she said Alhamdullilah kerana kamu saya kenyang (Praise be to God, for you I am fulfilled). She was very kind and got to me right when I need her. I thought to myself, when will this ordeal ever happen again?

 I have full aspirations on my mother. Maybe I can write a book about her. But my time with her is not fulfilled. I always wanted to be on her side, to play with her. It suddenly strikes to me how I want to braid her hair. But I knew she was as happy as she was, with her work that gives her pride. She's a nurse and there was one time that a labourer had no money and they seek help from her. She was a certified mid-wife and so she delivered his baby. She knew no borders. Just like the orangutans that rummage in these forests, they don't know whether it's cocoa, oil palm or langsat. They just go in. They knew nothing about political boundary. It is their home. It is with this hope and aspiration, someday that a person might say this is where I belong..

I wrote a poem for my mother.. I couldn't remember what it was. I gave it to Mandy. She wanted it soo much. I was sitting near the door where it opens up to a view of the Kerabau and egrets. They looked so peaceful there with the marshes and soggy soil. They belong there. It suddenly occured to me how my mother protects me like how these creatures interact. They need one another. And they co-exist beautifully.

Sometimes I asked myself, what do I mean to my mother? A mother never leaves you. My mother went to Saudi to find money. I'm not working at the moment and I'm jobless. But I try myself to do all I can to have a life worth spending. It's like air. All our days are used up to slog and find money. But is it worth it, going to school and then go picnicking. But so far as I remember, there isn't a single time that I've regretted without the feeling of satisfaction in my brow. We have all forgotten. But never forsaken.

How is my life like in the kampong? Well, I enjoyed walking home from school everday and masticate at the wonders of nature. See how it flourish, and enjoy the wind at my face as the wind blow following the arch of the river. I enjoyed the rain that drench me sometimes in the evening when I didn't bring my umbrella. This had been my footstool to consider the joy of nature. And to respect it. My mother spent less on herself and more to us as a child so then when we grow up we will get educated. It is this hope that we see in the governance. But at the time being, what is there to offer when there is no job. There needs to be a cushion effect. We didn't live in slumbers or stilts. And there many fishes in the sea pointless to say. But because we have a community, that was what how we survived. We helped each other. And we needed to grow. But to the point of no growth this can be dangerous. That is why the economy needs a buffering system and I propose the need for sustainability and networking.

Yay, my mom's coming back soon. And hopefully we can celebrate again as a family. Because it is with family that we find happiness not gold that we can't eat. But to see a privilege that is in unity and respect and simple adoration of nature that was once taught by my friend. A simple exchange of gesture was the billingual thought of culture and the evolution of thyroid glands. So are we human, or are we dancers? That is the question. As a matter of fact, we find our roots and we will find trust. But put it simply, we are just humans.. The dance is not far different than the dancer. Eloquently said.. Ok!

Nagasaki..

What did I do this morning? Went to have breakfast with my sis and her kid at Penampang Baru. For a traveler and someone brokeless like me, this is a sure place to be. I made a comment on my Facebook on what dish to serve the poor and this is what I had. Porridge with Century eggs in it, Corn soup and raddish. It's a good mix. If we could only ask these countries to help the third world in lending a hand on those impoverished States, I'm sure this world would be a better place. And if we could propose agriculture in areas constricted to dessertification, I'm sure soil conservation can be introduced. Which reminds me again, of India.. They have adequate knowledge on this sector and perhaps in coming to light of the problem in Africa and what S. Africa can do. Perhaps there can be a merge of technology and science. But the finance has got to come from Great Britain, America and China.

There is another thing astounding about the Indian culture. And how about do they understand about the fussion between a mother and her offspring. Maharani.. And that milk is considered precious from the suckling cow. I think civilization has come and go with the selection of desired traits in the community of duchess and queens for the preservation of the human kind or so. This is a civilization that is made of archers and swordsman and perhaps they have ways of cultivating this highly aspirational tool for the root of a monarchy. As the jewel is highly treasured, so does civic within the society as established tenderly as that of a mother bond and the child.

There's another place to dine in which I find measurable. And that is in Wagamama at Lintas. Ask for Furai set, it's seafood fried with bread crumbs. It's good to eat with plenty of salad cream and it cost only RM 18.90. That's because it's plenty full and dessert is served. Which reminds me of the Japanese people. These people are highly curteous. And they are many of them studying chimpanzees in Africa. They are also well known here for their charity and organised programmes for research. But I think the best way to do, is to establish contact with the Afrikaans so that other places like Malaysia might follow suit. Well done! They have certainly opened the gates in the quest of finding Paradise and maintaining governance. That's how the world revolves around. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Yes. With the aid from the Scotland bank, developing countries can now help under-developed countries. And we learn the trade.

Burger King serves the best French Chicken ever. Well at least, the first good taste I had that lasts long was last night. I love mushrooms but I can't eat it with beef. As I am allergic to beef, I think. McDonald is said to play a major part in destroying the Amazons for cattle raising. But I think this exploit can be reduced, if we further serve in-hand that the industry realise what it can do to poverty. If they can exercise a monetary found to feed the hungry, I'm sure the industry can further be exploited to gain more revenues and profit for it's own subsidiary.


For slightly priced delicacy.. I suggest Bryani rice from Imperial Hotel, Warisan Square.

I'm just saying this, because they're really good! Check it out!

Help

I was just guessing.. Number and figures.. How can you calculate emotions.. My supervisor once said to me, you know.. The feeling.. Does she mean to rely solely on what I felt around me. To weigh in on the subjectives? I've thought a lot on this subject. And I think maybe she was referring to what can one see when someone is suffering. I think there must be a distinction between suffering and pain. In that when in suffering, you can perhaps find a remedy. But what about pain? It's like shooting an animal dead because he's not worth living or "to ease the pain". However, we may be content in finding or looking a person in such agony that provokes us to help. "I see you".. At last help is conceited!

Now comes into figuring emotions.. This was my famous attempt in designing a method of justifying the sociality of orangutans. My boss said look into the bond between a mother orangutan and her baby. And I'm sure you can find play. Perhaps the baby orangutan learns lots from play. This is social interaction. I've succeeded in coining interaction, and association (contact). But from a formula that came from the study of birds, I saw that there was justice and order in the system that made me calculate aggresion, look into social justice and dominance.

The review of social interaction in the ground made you have assumptions but by examining it, made you conclude to other critical thinking that involves a wider scope of inhibition in their nature and constructive models that evolves from pre-conditions.

The social system has been established and it takes a longer time to be re-constituted. Genes directly continues from patriarch to it's decendents to avoid in-breeding. But if the time is not right, you might disconnect this linkage.

The orangutans are intelligent. I once encountered a big male that counted up to 10x. He must've came about this master skills from his fingers. Or to establish contact. I refuse to believe in exaggeration of dominance. Because all beings share the equal surmount of compassion. As in feeding and security. So look at a chimp in the eye and what do you see.

Once when I was at the Sepilok's quarantine centre. Thanks to Dr. Sen approval. I went to watch baby orangutans rummage on some sugar canes. I held my fingers closely to them. And then they began nimbling gently, exploring. Orangutans are gentle creatures. They could've bit off my hands but instead what they showed, was caress.

And yes, orangutans are really shy creatures. I was with Zul and we were trekking for orangutans. I used my nose to smell them. And found out that they were many feeding on a food patch. Suddenly I heard a branch broke. I haste to see. There, was Maria, a female orangutan. We followed her.. And then, came an adult male by the name Yan. He was certainly persuasive when it comes to mating. They copulated many times in the nest that she built. But she kept on eyeing on the observers below. While at it, covering her body as could be possible and squatting as low possible into the nest. It was the first time, I had a great clear view on orangutans in the forest as they were high up on the trees. How do I know she shyed away was because she was playing hard to get. What do I mean on this, based on records, minute counts, she ran away avoiding the pursuer and then try to coax her way out of the relationship. Matings in orangutans are complex. You never know if she was consent. But put in other words, orangutans had no choice since they always meet up in the forest. And males are highly esteemed. However, they have beautiful ways to gain tolerance and order. Maybe not justice. But that's another story to tell..

Kidding! Well I found that there are least sexual harassments but whom I am to know when I am only an observer. I could say she wants it because they've copulated but from the number of times they do makes me an analyst! Haha.. Gotcha! And of course, there is an explanation to everything. These males are afraid of the residential male. And I mean as in the alpha male. Not telling you more. This is nature, I have to say. The inquisite mormon of nature. They have ways to regulate themselves and strike order. And in that way, entice compassion in that aggression is consoled to snarling and brandishing..

The tribal people only go to war because we taught them how to.. Notwithstanding!

Light giver

From soil conservation to energy - I think all has been said and done. Which comes to my annecdote to I dreamt of Africa.. I watched this movie and read the book and I wished to go to Africa too soon I hope. Within watchful eyes, anything can penetrate into the jungles of Africa far surpassing guerrillas and diamonds in Kenya. I think maybe given a chance, the people might fare well if given a place to hope within the bossom of South Africa. I met a guy once, and he was handsome. He spoke of the place too much. But I was sad why wasn't the government expand it's zealousness at the outreach. India, Africa it's all the same. Maybe we could inherit the throne one day. Of that jewel that we've lost but not the heart that escaped the many.

It's empowering this state of confusion. It's frantic. Needless, to say, everyone is chasing for the golden goose and the silver spoon. But what we got here is a redeem for us all. I am quite chastened that primatology doesn't become as a setback to us as we are re-discovering the primitive form. But to have been in the field, I am essentially trained the required skills to survive in the wild. Literally, to take down observations and make a report out of it! Haha.. But yes, you sanctify this privilege and delude all doctrine. You must and must salvage your freedom. I was abandoned. I was alone, but nothing gave me right in my plight as to follow the light. And of course, give path.

I started my way in soil conservation and I think that fragmentation is a mediocre not only for orangutans but also the economy. So I propose this, soil conservation. Maybe Africa might stand a chance in growing agriculture. Who knows?

Primatology gave a right to other disciplines that studies apes including Australopithecines. But we were down right at the ground watching live primates, dangling, masticating, the extant of the species. Being in the ground, you are pledged to counter evil at all cost. Kinda contradictory as you begin to study a descendent of the species of Sivapithecus or the red devil. Yes, this is what sets us apart from everyone else. You begin to guard your possession as though it belongs to only you! Boy, does everyone wants to learn from me. Well, it's pay back time. And I think you get just what you deserve. Take some and leave some for the generation that is what is in my mind. Hehe.. It's judicially justified taking it from a professional point of view. Ground truthing.

Now comes to other equations: Biology + Primatology + Anthropology = Economics + Mathematics + Computer Science. Whatever happens to Alchemy. This is my foremost favourite subject as I was enthralled to the world of minerals. Everything was there. All I should do was question the use of Cervus. That's computer science. Prospect a mathematical model, that's maths. Discussed speciation. And debated the use of generic Silicon. But my most kept feat is Anthropology and Primatology. I think my method should be a summary of it all that's what's was done.