Research

I was disappointed to find that some of my books are gone. I don't mind if things didn't go my way or if being used at disposal. But what would upset me if my books are gone. I bought them with my own money, and it would make me sad if I can't read them again. It's because I find pleasure in reading books, my books. I intend to start a collection. Maybe one day I may open up a book store.

I find that in across our journeys, complaints are not necessary and what serves the best are results. It's good to keep reminded about what we've gone through because that's what makes us. But what about the time, time can't be used simply for meetings or else there is no purpose. And purpose comes with values. I hate it sometimes, how people can just rely others on being punctual when they themselves are not say for example.

I haven't been writing in this blog for a long time that's because I find there is no purpose in writing with no input. At the moment, what I can say is that I'm thinking of pursuing to my PhD. But I can't do that without fund. Which is why I'm trying to convince my ex-supervisor to give me a grant and again to be a supervisor for this project. There was a project report written by him stating how I defended my Master and being the only first orangutan ecologist in Sabah. That sure does felt like something. And I'm a lady. But I would've not done it without my abang-abang. They guided me in the forest and during the first month of orientation or should I say volunteerism, they were the ones who taught me the disciplines of the forest.

And here goes the study what project do I want to cover this time. But as usual, I will always get a no answer from my friend. Just like how I would like to make a book, or publish some coffee books. Nevermind. Maybe I can do another study just pray that it wouldn't be an ordeal this time. And besides I don't think I'm not that physically fit anymore.


The question lies on habitat requirement. And many scientists are praying to find the difference between suitability of habitats for orangutans. Although deeply, I don't think this is the issue. The main highlight should be, what determines density then link these habitats by biogeographical region. You preserve genetic diversity at the same time since orangutans live in an epigamic society and they have a stable social organisation.

I was wondering what to make between differences of densities in different habitats. This would led me to synthesising habitat requirement and link them to metabolism and hence dietry fashion. I have done this through my Master's where I've used Einstein's physical law of principles. With this knowledge we would have come about in knowing what determines the physical shape of an animal following the habitat in where it occurs. And hence bringing the importance into linking habitats.

My mother has been a solitary individual after coming back from Saudi. She often watch the TV alone, or doze herself to sleep due to tiresome. Or play with the baby. It makes me feel sad to see her like this. I wish to play with her but there seems to be not much of an activity. I need to train myself to wake up early so that we can go shopping or do something else. But I guess it's just better to laze around. I wished she could stay here longer, I feel very lonely. Which makes me question another thing, is it really worth doing this PhD. When you have all the time you need to sleep. I think it's important to share knowledge and get to know people more. But it would be worth it if they just don't simply ask. It's about give and take. Now that's a privilege.

What inspires me most is freedom of speech. But I hate media sensationalism and rhetorical. Which is why I hate watching TV programmes these days. Sweets are not good for the teeth, but why take them anyway. No wonder, sugar are getting expensive these days. Lol! I remember good movies like Contact or something that gives lessons. Not flattering. In fact, I find many resemblance between my thesis and the movie Contact. Well in some way, call me crazy if you want. I found how to construct the model but the movie simply just give a tell-tale like an adventure. It's very motivating.

I would like to publish a journal one day. In fact, it was what I wanted to do when doing my Master. I found many interesting results but they were not put into good use only as secondary inputs or something that had led to another discovery which is not quite optimistic. In the sense that it had led other people into saying the same thing. But what the real thing is, I have the data and I have the results. If it wasn't because an author who I would name anonymously, I would've not come into my synthesis about orangutan distribution and the implication of the world in nature. Which is why I have to thank him. He's a scientist in Indonesia. Well, I told him for the fact but he took no credit for him. Was he being just too modest, or was he simply didn't understood what privilege I took into conceiting this formula. I'm sure it's not the formula but how it applies.

Boyfriends had come and go. Friends either like you or they don't. But they leave us with intangible memories. Without them how far can we go. So I hope with this proposal, I am able to convince my superior boss into deciding to take me in for a PhD. Because I deserve it.

I simply love the rain, the jungle and the humidity. Nothing serves me best than have a palatial place for me to study like an eager explorer. But of course, with a good helping hand. Now the task is, to gather as much data possible in the quickest time. And in these days, to have internet access I wonder. Just hope Facebook won't be messing with me. Tee-hee..

The only problem now is trade. How do you create a line between trade and research. I was told that we needed to find a value. But then it turned out to be some kind like a business or a deal. Or a fiscal. Then, we ask a question what is that preservation. Have we simply lost our mind? It becomes more of a corporate deal or a network. Into deciding the market place, there comes a stature to fair trade. And then there comes to a question as free trade. Nothing comes easy, as getting something for free. Cheap luck! This will determine the equality of standards and levying. Which is why education not only serves the best priority but must be fair.


Now comes to the question of physical fitness. It continues to become my question.

Sweet Lullaby

I was in Dryandra, one among classes in the Australian Matriculation I took sponsored by the government in Uitm Shah Alam. Then one of my English teacher who's in law was the Indian Malaysian runner asked me why did you choose to take up Australia as a preferred choice for university studies to me. Then I said, I wanted to see dolphins. I love dolphins, they're so intelligent. And that's when I come to know that dolphins are social creatures. It's like how I would be saying studying orangutans. Knowing that they are solitary, but think it in a big picture, they live in a large social organisation. Well they were here, she said to me. I didn't know that there are dolphins in our coastal waters. But anyway, as later on I progressed, the government stopped from sending students to overseas because of the depreciation ringgit and I ended up studying in UMS. A choice who I solemnly took and never regretted. After having finished another matriculation which I had to take for a year, I again negotiated to go into Conservation Biology a task that was so miraculous as it was new.

It was my first time coming to the Peninsular. And I remembered having my first Kenny Rogers.. The corn muffin was soo good. I could still remember when they had the stuffed kernels. My time occupied there was not spent wasteful and I had gained lots of knowledge which I could've not if it wasn't because of this place. We took several English classes, and in them how to do research. I also took a computer class in which I got an A for that one. There were oh, so many books if only I could eat them all up. ITM is marvelous, it's very rich with literature. I get lots of my source of knowledge from here as a beginner. And there were many references.

So I was in the library of our little ground hostel when I stumbled upon a book. That was my inspiration. It was about biodiversity. And it was yes thick, but also colourful. The memory I had of that book was the Amazon. Nature has always had a place in my heart. I didn't read much about dolphins hey, I didn't even know a think about them. My sensation was inspired by what I saw on them in the documentaries. I now have a diving license in case I ever wanted to go into this biology. But I knew the forests well from where I lived.

So, I ended up reading about yes, all the basic science subjects now they are in English as we are accustomed to the Malay language before in our youths. And I remember this time, our teachers called us, young adults. And if I could in my time, about nature. As an assignment, I discussed about pollution and sulphuric particulates in our atmosphere. I hate pollution. It's something that was really popular before, but as now we've forgotten the impacts of society that we dwell in more to the effects of social disturbance and the protection of forests. A scheme, that no one else knew which led to deeper contemplation as that to the meaning of life.

My second assignment, I remembered was discovering more about the death rituals about the Kadazan-Dusun. I took up this assignment wanting to know more about where I belonged. About my roots. Hey there was also a Literature Review to catch up on my activities. And in there I add on about the interviews I had, when have I gone to the library to make it up for the time spent systematically. I wrote my research several times and there were many corrected drafts. That's because my teacher said I was too flowery. She wanted me to be more determined and more scientific. This was the start of a beginning on the road to writing. As surely this was the course I under-take.

Again I have to applaud on the books I've discovered. They made real sense to me at covering many aspects as having to the expansion of mind. I looked at the effects of religion on society, what are the means that describe culture, and then to have a backdrop on this science. So this was the systematics that she was looking for.

I also learnt about systematics during my degree. And the way the science was used in describing things. I took a course on science writing. I didn't know it was very different than the literature. I took several English literature for that matter. But don't tell me what MacBeth is about, I couldn't still remember.. Lol.

There were oh, so many memories. And sometimes I wished that I was still in the university. The teachers are really clever at enticing. I think it comes with passion. Allure..

Kerbau

My mother asked me, what do you want from Saudi? Since she has lots to offer these days. I remember when I was at the hostel, and wanting to go down town after church. I checked the ATM machine and it was empty. I guess there was no more money at the moment. I was very hungry then suddenly a friend said, what ya wanna eat? Without shyness in my brows, well anything. So she bought me a burger. And then, while frumming on it greedily, she said Alhamdullilah kerana kamu saya kenyang (Praise be to God, for you I am fulfilled). She was very kind and got to me right when I need her. I thought to myself, when will this ordeal ever happen again?

 I have full aspirations on my mother. Maybe I can write a book about her. But my time with her is not fulfilled. I always wanted to be on her side, to play with her. It suddenly strikes to me how I want to braid her hair. But I knew she was as happy as she was, with her work that gives her pride. She's a nurse and there was one time that a labourer had no money and they seek help from her. She was a certified mid-wife and so she delivered his baby. She knew no borders. Just like the orangutans that rummage in these forests, they don't know whether it's cocoa, oil palm or langsat. They just go in. They knew nothing about political boundary. It is their home. It is with this hope and aspiration, someday that a person might say this is where I belong..

I wrote a poem for my mother.. I couldn't remember what it was. I gave it to Mandy. She wanted it soo much. I was sitting near the door where it opens up to a view of the Kerabau and egrets. They looked so peaceful there with the marshes and soggy soil. They belong there. It suddenly occured to me how my mother protects me like how these creatures interact. They need one another. And they co-exist beautifully.

Sometimes I asked myself, what do I mean to my mother? A mother never leaves you. My mother went to Saudi to find money. I'm not working at the moment and I'm jobless. But I try myself to do all I can to have a life worth spending. It's like air. All our days are used up to slog and find money. But is it worth it, going to school and then go picnicking. But so far as I remember, there isn't a single time that I've regretted without the feeling of satisfaction in my brow. We have all forgotten. But never forsaken.

How is my life like in the kampong? Well, I enjoyed walking home from school everday and masticate at the wonders of nature. See how it flourish, and enjoy the wind at my face as the wind blow following the arch of the river. I enjoyed the rain that drench me sometimes in the evening when I didn't bring my umbrella. This had been my footstool to consider the joy of nature. And to respect it. My mother spent less on herself and more to us as a child so then when we grow up we will get educated. It is this hope that we see in the governance. But at the time being, what is there to offer when there is no job. There needs to be a cushion effect. We didn't live in slumbers or stilts. And there many fishes in the sea pointless to say. But because we have a community, that was what how we survived. We helped each other. And we needed to grow. But to the point of no growth this can be dangerous. That is why the economy needs a buffering system and I propose the need for sustainability and networking.

Yay, my mom's coming back soon. And hopefully we can celebrate again as a family. Because it is with family that we find happiness not gold that we can't eat. But to see a privilege that is in unity and respect and simple adoration of nature that was once taught by my friend. A simple exchange of gesture was the billingual thought of culture and the evolution of thyroid glands. So are we human, or are we dancers? That is the question. As a matter of fact, we find our roots and we will find trust. But put it simply, we are just humans.. The dance is not far different than the dancer. Eloquently said.. Ok!

Nagasaki..

What did I do this morning? Went to have breakfast with my sis and her kid at Penampang Baru. For a traveler and someone brokeless like me, this is a sure place to be. I made a comment on my Facebook on what dish to serve the poor and this is what I had. Porridge with Century eggs in it, Corn soup and raddish. It's a good mix. If we could only ask these countries to help the third world in lending a hand on those impoverished States, I'm sure this world would be a better place. And if we could propose agriculture in areas constricted to dessertification, I'm sure soil conservation can be introduced. Which reminds me again, of India.. They have adequate knowledge on this sector and perhaps in coming to light of the problem in Africa and what S. Africa can do. Perhaps there can be a merge of technology and science. But the finance has got to come from Great Britain, America and China.

There is another thing astounding about the Indian culture. And how about do they understand about the fussion between a mother and her offspring. Maharani.. And that milk is considered precious from the suckling cow. I think civilization has come and go with the selection of desired traits in the community of duchess and queens for the preservation of the human kind or so. This is a civilization that is made of archers and swordsman and perhaps they have ways of cultivating this highly aspirational tool for the root of a monarchy. As the jewel is highly treasured, so does civic within the society as established tenderly as that of a mother bond and the child.

There's another place to dine in which I find measurable. And that is in Wagamama at Lintas. Ask for Furai set, it's seafood fried with bread crumbs. It's good to eat with plenty of salad cream and it cost only RM 18.90. That's because it's plenty full and dessert is served. Which reminds me of the Japanese people. These people are highly curteous. And they are many of them studying chimpanzees in Africa. They are also well known here for their charity and organised programmes for research. But I think the best way to do, is to establish contact with the Afrikaans so that other places like Malaysia might follow suit. Well done! They have certainly opened the gates in the quest of finding Paradise and maintaining governance. That's how the world revolves around. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Yes. With the aid from the Scotland bank, developing countries can now help under-developed countries. And we learn the trade.

Burger King serves the best French Chicken ever. Well at least, the first good taste I had that lasts long was last night. I love mushrooms but I can't eat it with beef. As I am allergic to beef, I think. McDonald is said to play a major part in destroying the Amazons for cattle raising. But I think this exploit can be reduced, if we further serve in-hand that the industry realise what it can do to poverty. If they can exercise a monetary found to feed the hungry, I'm sure the industry can further be exploited to gain more revenues and profit for it's own subsidiary.


For slightly priced delicacy.. I suggest Bryani rice from Imperial Hotel, Warisan Square.

I'm just saying this, because they're really good! Check it out!

Help

I was just guessing.. Number and figures.. How can you calculate emotions.. My supervisor once said to me, you know.. The feeling.. Does she mean to rely solely on what I felt around me. To weigh in on the subjectives? I've thought a lot on this subject. And I think maybe she was referring to what can one see when someone is suffering. I think there must be a distinction between suffering and pain. In that when in suffering, you can perhaps find a remedy. But what about pain? It's like shooting an animal dead because he's not worth living or "to ease the pain". However, we may be content in finding or looking a person in such agony that provokes us to help. "I see you".. At last help is conceited!

Now comes into figuring emotions.. This was my famous attempt in designing a method of justifying the sociality of orangutans. My boss said look into the bond between a mother orangutan and her baby. And I'm sure you can find play. Perhaps the baby orangutan learns lots from play. This is social interaction. I've succeeded in coining interaction, and association (contact). But from a formula that came from the study of birds, I saw that there was justice and order in the system that made me calculate aggresion, look into social justice and dominance.

The review of social interaction in the ground made you have assumptions but by examining it, made you conclude to other critical thinking that involves a wider scope of inhibition in their nature and constructive models that evolves from pre-conditions.

The social system has been established and it takes a longer time to be re-constituted. Genes directly continues from patriarch to it's decendents to avoid in-breeding. But if the time is not right, you might disconnect this linkage.

The orangutans are intelligent. I once encountered a big male that counted up to 10x. He must've came about this master skills from his fingers. Or to establish contact. I refuse to believe in exaggeration of dominance. Because all beings share the equal surmount of compassion. As in feeding and security. So look at a chimp in the eye and what do you see.

Once when I was at the Sepilok's quarantine centre. Thanks to Dr. Sen approval. I went to watch baby orangutans rummage on some sugar canes. I held my fingers closely to them. And then they began nimbling gently, exploring. Orangutans are gentle creatures. They could've bit off my hands but instead what they showed, was caress.

And yes, orangutans are really shy creatures. I was with Zul and we were trekking for orangutans. I used my nose to smell them. And found out that they were many feeding on a food patch. Suddenly I heard a branch broke. I haste to see. There, was Maria, a female orangutan. We followed her.. And then, came an adult male by the name Yan. He was certainly persuasive when it comes to mating. They copulated many times in the nest that she built. But she kept on eyeing on the observers below. While at it, covering her body as could be possible and squatting as low possible into the nest. It was the first time, I had a great clear view on orangutans in the forest as they were high up on the trees. How do I know she shyed away was because she was playing hard to get. What do I mean on this, based on records, minute counts, she ran away avoiding the pursuer and then try to coax her way out of the relationship. Matings in orangutans are complex. You never know if she was consent. But put in other words, orangutans had no choice since they always meet up in the forest. And males are highly esteemed. However, they have beautiful ways to gain tolerance and order. Maybe not justice. But that's another story to tell..

Kidding! Well I found that there are least sexual harassments but whom I am to know when I am only an observer. I could say she wants it because they've copulated but from the number of times they do makes me an analyst! Haha.. Gotcha! And of course, there is an explanation to everything. These males are afraid of the residential male. And I mean as in the alpha male. Not telling you more. This is nature, I have to say. The inquisite mormon of nature. They have ways to regulate themselves and strike order. And in that way, entice compassion in that aggression is consoled to snarling and brandishing..

The tribal people only go to war because we taught them how to.. Notwithstanding!

Light giver

From soil conservation to energy - I think all has been said and done. Which comes to my annecdote to I dreamt of Africa.. I watched this movie and read the book and I wished to go to Africa too soon I hope. Within watchful eyes, anything can penetrate into the jungles of Africa far surpassing guerrillas and diamonds in Kenya. I think maybe given a chance, the people might fare well if given a place to hope within the bossom of South Africa. I met a guy once, and he was handsome. He spoke of the place too much. But I was sad why wasn't the government expand it's zealousness at the outreach. India, Africa it's all the same. Maybe we could inherit the throne one day. Of that jewel that we've lost but not the heart that escaped the many.

It's empowering this state of confusion. It's frantic. Needless, to say, everyone is chasing for the golden goose and the silver spoon. But what we got here is a redeem for us all. I am quite chastened that primatology doesn't become as a setback to us as we are re-discovering the primitive form. But to have been in the field, I am essentially trained the required skills to survive in the wild. Literally, to take down observations and make a report out of it! Haha.. But yes, you sanctify this privilege and delude all doctrine. You must and must salvage your freedom. I was abandoned. I was alone, but nothing gave me right in my plight as to follow the light. And of course, give path.

I started my way in soil conservation and I think that fragmentation is a mediocre not only for orangutans but also the economy. So I propose this, soil conservation. Maybe Africa might stand a chance in growing agriculture. Who knows?

Primatology gave a right to other disciplines that studies apes including Australopithecines. But we were down right at the ground watching live primates, dangling, masticating, the extant of the species. Being in the ground, you are pledged to counter evil at all cost. Kinda contradictory as you begin to study a descendent of the species of Sivapithecus or the red devil. Yes, this is what sets us apart from everyone else. You begin to guard your possession as though it belongs to only you! Boy, does everyone wants to learn from me. Well, it's pay back time. And I think you get just what you deserve. Take some and leave some for the generation that is what is in my mind. Hehe.. It's judicially justified taking it from a professional point of view. Ground truthing.

Now comes to other equations: Biology + Primatology + Anthropology = Economics + Mathematics + Computer Science. Whatever happens to Alchemy. This is my foremost favourite subject as I was enthralled to the world of minerals. Everything was there. All I should do was question the use of Cervus. That's computer science. Prospect a mathematical model, that's maths. Discussed speciation. And debated the use of generic Silicon. But my most kept feat is Anthropology and Primatology. I think my method should be a summary of it all that's what's was done.

Say Green..

Kamal went in at the footsteps.. With him, a candle as he began masquerading with his song of romance. Suddenly, the hair behind my neck rose as I felt a gruesome feeling of disgust. I didn't know what went on his mind. But the genset was off and there was no electricity. He was there to comfort me. I knew he wanted more than friends but I tried consoling him by sharing him a book of wisdom. There on my hand was a book I was reading before: The other side of death. I told him, that there were many religions. And it amazes me, how all of them teach the Love of God and blessings in disguise. So it was how my relationship with him. Somehow or another, it was the same feeling I want to share to him. I remembered telling these boys that they reminded me of my brother. My brother was always alone, and I can see a searching conquest to find himself. He wanted to achieve the impossible. And a pilot he chose to be.

There were many words I spoke. I couldn't remember what were they exactly. But I could see the look of astonishment as I told him the facts about love. Maybe I didn't understand the desire of love. And I failed to see in his eyes. But something had provoked me to invoke something greater for humanity and it's allies. That is when I started to see that in this, simplicity, I began coining song and poetry in our souls.

What makes us a gold digger? This world is not made for the weak. And yet at a rapid scale, we are bringing ourselves to the road of extinction. To the path of no return.

In Sukau, and name any places in Sabah you find complete serenity. I'm glad that there is not much conflict here than what is shown on TV. It scares me the hell! So what can we do to strike a balance? We have to come down to our simplest roots and find a common ground to make us mutual. Which is why I propose clinging to our traditions. Not that which obstruct visuality but bringing us closer to the truth. Missionaries had come and go and they brought education. I must rely that education serves the best and foremost priority.

We may not have silver spoon in our mouth but song and poetry in our souls. So Kamal reminded me of this proverb. Aside from education, what comes second of priority is sanitation. Which is why the government proposed a scheme called the home-stay project. Where tourists can live with kampung families and sit by and eat their food. What a delicacy! And a treat..

The Sukau people are a mix of Iranun heritage. During logging era, there is marital exchange between the Ibans and Chinese which makes them a complete set of people depending on the river now for their daily lives. Most of their times, are affected by flood and oil palm residue killing their fishes which they depend on for livestocks.. Deforestation on the highlands brought sedimentation that further inflicts flood.

As the whole world revolves around, and become busy. You could spot the tiniest beauty in space where these people exists. Still holding strong, still growing roots. Needing to be acknowledged. But at the busiest moment, the sensible thing to do is to remain quiet. Be kind to the gentile for they knew not what they do. And this is my strength. To not perturb.. This is God's wonderful creation.. And we watch them grow. Maybe, in time to come. They can come out to play. But for the moment, tradition can get lost forever. And we can blame on the magnification of our own image. Will you save us if one man remains.. And God said yes, which is why the hopeless and distraught must not be saved but helped. The strong protects the weak. And yes, it's true we can rob from the rich.

A word of reminder.. Robin Hood.. Man in tights! Say Green..